Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Well, Well, Well... Well Water, LOL

Well, I said it again. Hahaha. I left the Snot and went to go live with my best lady friend. On August 1st 2007, I left with my important papers, whatever was most important to me in clothing and anything important to me I might nnot be able to live without. We gave one another courtesy, Mary & I we gave one another privacy and space. We lived with her grandson, too who now a teenager, had all the signs of becoming another 'damned male species', oh, this woman made me laugh when she coined that phrase, LOL harrrr. She was happy because I could handle the housework. I swear she found a way to do laundry every day of the week. I must say this the lady was about 7 years older than I had much more age in her face and wrinkles that showed a rough life. I witnessed her provoke that teenager one night over his girlfriend which she didn not approve of. He went to prom with her and he was very handsome. It turned bad after that with his guirlfriend. She claimed he raped her when the sex was consentual. A court date ensued. He was to stay away from the girl and any place they frequented for a year. Order of protection was now in place. Mary was infuriated to the point that when all was over it was not over. She ended up having a heart attack right in front of me one night, only within days after her grandson threatened her with a knife over the comments made about the girl he had careed about. ...the chest pain had her frozen in a fetal position facing towards the wall. I had to wake her grandson up twice. The second time he said to go ahead and call the ambulence because hecould not talk to 'those kinds of people' They appeared in seconds a whisked her out on a gurney. She apologized to the medics who were helping her for being 'so much trouble', which she was just a darling through it all. I visited, rather kept vigil at her bedside until my feet swelled, to where I had to come back to our place and not only check on things but to get in a hot tub of water and elevate my feet. Come November my dear friend had passed on. Her service was only the 2nd I had ever gone to. I never went to any of my own relatives services but did visit a grave site or two at the Union Cemetery in Ohio, where the relatives on my father's side were buried. I pulled some weeds and arranged the crysanthemums around the headstones. Now, Mary never would have approved of life support, or CPR or NICU twice and the relatives were counseled that this would only repeat itself over and over. They had to remove part of her colon that was without oxygen from her heart failure. The incision looked like they used a huge ginzu knife that nearly left her fileted. She could not use the pain reliever they left her with, the button that she alone could push to give her some pain relief every 5 minutes if she wanted to. Her hands were so swollen she could not do it if she wanted to. I had to leave her side on 3 occasions. Her condition declined each time. When I returned each time she improved in her condition enough to get out of the NICU to a regular room. The 3rd time I went home a friend called me at 7:30 in the morning to let me know Mary had passed on in the early hours of the morning sometime between 2-5 in the morning.

It has been over a year since Marys passing. She would be proud that her grandson went into the Army. I have been at the same dwelling we shared but ended up taking it over. The grandson was not invited to stay on by the landlady as I had been. Since i had gien her all the updates and she had gotten to know me it was easier than renting out to a complete 'stranger'.

Sometime in December of 2008 I write to some people in some social network sites. I got some sympathetic ears. Then there was a surprise... Michael. He wrote, You seem like a down home country girl at heart. I'd like to get to know you better. '

We both are in loveless marriages and our love a nearly 2 years later has grown. We speak on the phone. He lives an hour away from me.

My husband found a girlfriend but the authorities found a working still in a cave on the junkyard property she inherited.

Myself nor my husband has divorced but I went to legal aid where I hope to be chosen to e in a course held every 8 weeks for a do-it-yourself divorce. The husband is the one that is indicated to pay court costs according to legal aid.

We are friends, at least. At last, I am free soon to be with someone who admires me from afar... When the time is right our souls will ignite in the bliss of making love, we have both been deprived of, for marriages we tried to keep ourselves happy in but could not. We've been put together by fate, and fate will not keep us apart for long.

Saturday, March 22, 2008


Easter usually designates change and new life. It is a rebirth from a hard and difficult winter. I realize this is a downer subject about the feelings I harbor of my husband. The funny thing is that he knows. Well, he's for one not a communicator. I'm tired of being the initiator. I don't like to struggle to have a conversation. The one that one is intimate with should be the one that has the most to discuss things with you would think. Well, I feel I can let this one ride itself out until it eventually comes to a head. Whether it be one day I need to call the police to get him out, so be it. I look forward to the day! Change is on the horizon for me and others. I'm not the only one who has troubles like this. I noticed an anonymous comment from a male. I could tell he was disgusted. No one should have to change for another. Love is sacrifice. Change should be done voluntarily , without prompts from others and out of love for someone else. I have bent over backwards and turned myself inside out. You know... I still want to be me. Love is unconditional. Usually, when someone loves another nothing really matters. I think when things are out of order and they become so confusing that there is only one person that is the one who sees what needs to be done on a constant basis, it's eventually going to put strains on the best of relationships. Love still requires commitment so there are conditions. I guess one day we wake up and say, I'm tired of this nauseous feeling I get everyday, the feeling of hared and feeling crabby because you know it's going to be the same thing another day, where things go in one ear to your 'mate', and out the other. What's worse is being ignored. You put on your make up, do your hair but there's never a sign of a compliment. Would there then be any criticism either... none offered. Is this guy a droid? When he was made the sensitive parts and emotions were left out. So, no wonder so many are looking for their 'soul mate'. Life is short. One wants to have the best in a relationship possible.

What would you do and how do you feel? I want to know if I touched a nerve out here. One great thing I found and spoke briefly about is a Friends Win and Friends Win University. Because of these great members I am able to carry with my life. There's a great team that is cohesive and really works together. I look forward to posting in the blog that was created to bring more like-minded people together not satisfied with the status quo in their life. A place to speak out and make your voice heard. Give an opinion, ask questions.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

'Well, my friends ... ---he's at it again'

The bums an idiot. Selective hearing, yeah, yeah. What a loser. I had the mother of all mother's of a 'tell off' session with him the other day. Yup. You got it... ---No reaction... he just stares at me. He took the car in and got a title loan on it today. I think I'm getting nauseous. He gets an attitude when he hs a little bit of money on him, you know, slaps his keys around his wrist, 'how cool I am', cocky. I'm smoking a cigarette just wishing he's go into spontaneous combustion, lol, without setting the place on fire. Just him. A pile of ashes I can sweep up off the floor into the dustpan and toss in the wastebasket. Righteous. Well, you know he actually was behaved for 1/2 a day, after the bitching session I had with him and then off course it doesn't last... in one ear, out the other. sigh. This is considered a good day with him, yuk. Can I go barf? So do you have one of these? Like a deception he's turned out to be that wasn't in the beginning? No, he was; but you're seeing it all now? This is as ripe as sewage, this marriage. You know I'm a smart enough gal, living in the Cleveland, Ohio area. Don't think for a minute this one will get away with alll he's been doing. That would be adding insult to injury, lol.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

I hate my husband,... What about you?

I don't know if I can find my true happiness lately. I'm a hard working woman that is sophisticated . I work my butt off with 2 jobs. (Good thing we had no children of our own),I separated from my husband (physically not legally), since last August. I can't get him to not spend all the time with me that he does. I'm unhappy with him around all the time. I know that I don't love him anymore and I quit school recently because I can't focus on anything with him hanging out here. I'm looking for advice. I just want you to know I take my interest and success with business seriously. I hope the phase I'm in is short-lived. I want this part of me to 'die', so I can live comfortably. I felt like I needed to write to you in this confidence. My struggles are different but I feel as tho, it may as well be fighting with a boa constrictor. This is about as specific as I can get right now. Also I have not had a drivers license in 14 years, so it makes it more of a difficult spot to be in, and not knowing many people who can help out in a pinch.The last thing I want to do is have a pity party or be felt sorry for. I just want to let you get to know me a little better. I feel fortunate I could tell you this much. I have said enough for now. I'm having some very depressing days. You all could make it for me by telling me here if you have had any similar experiences. I look forward to everything we all share as a group and a family. I'm trying to figure this all out with what is happening in my personal life and want to do it with as much grace as possible whatever I do. I need a lot of prayers. I hope you don't mind me leaning on you. I know you have your own struggles. The objective here is to get you to know me and let you know that you are not alone. There is power in numbers and by brainstorming here, we can accomplish a lot without gettting physical with the person(s) in our lives that create strife in them instead of a harmonious relationship, where a household can be be run like a finely tune machine.

You know, I've found everything I've tried to do to get what belongs to me, has backfired. I've tried being the good cop, the bad cop, being a best friend, reverse psychology, threats that he'd be kicked out of the trailer we shared if he didn't get it cleaned up. I told him I'd call the health department on him. I hate this guy, I've never seen such irresponsibiity. He's had 6 trips back to where we lived he's spent 20 minutes to 45 minutes each visit. Instead of getting what belongs to me and getting it out of there he sits his candy butt down when he gets there, jacks up the boom box, then he makes himself a strong pot of coffee and will sit there doing nothing ( figuring the world owes him and where's his milllions ) and will smoke himself to oblivian cuz of course he missed out while he was driving. There he will sit and chain smoke until, he realizes he should have called me to let me know he arrived at the trailer safe but I call first. "Oh, I was just going to call you." Lies. Any opportunity to do so, end up with no verbal communication and I'm in need so to get a response out of him; ends up with asking him at least a minimum of three times, getting louder each time (because of course he's not deaf but has selective hearing). But get this earlier in this writing, I said I as lucky... because I didn't get a woman beater, but only because he couldn't fight his was out of a paper bag. I'm not so lucky, ...I ended up with a manipulative, bum and he cannot be responsible for his own actions because he has excuses that on paer would make it a mile long. I don't get anyhing out of this realtionship but pure aggravation. I'm going to end upo at legal aid and filing for divorce. He's stolen money frm our joint checking account and gone camping in the State Park. When he needs money my things go to the pawn shop and he's too lazy to get them out of pawn so they end up getting sold by the pawn shop owner like a brand new Meade telescope, that can hook up to your puter and you can follow the night sky. And what about the laptop he ended up letting it go, too. All he had to do was make phone calls to the pawn shop owner every month and let them know he's having trouble paying on the items. But noooooo! Every time I reminded him he made a fake atttempt at alling them and saying everything was all right with the items that they would be lost. 5 months had gone by. ...they were sold because of no phone calls made to make arrangements on the payments. This guy creeps me out. He's clinging to me like he's a second skin, ewwwwww. Doesn't shave, take a bath, change his clothes and he goes to the doctor's office that way. It's embarrassing. Everywhere he goes he makes a trail of disaster. I organize the cabinets and drawers, my way. It takes him one time, to go rifling through them looking for a damn, nail or a screw and messing everything up so when I need to find something I have to do without... He let the leak in the trailer, soak the carpeting and would pull the wet rug up, so we wouldn't have black mold. Y'all I've got a real winner here. I hate my husband. I think I've hated him from the beginning. Right now tho, I'm stuck with his sorry ass. Tell me what your experiences have been so I don't feel like I'm alone out here. I need your comments. He's just sitting here looking at me and I feel like I want to puke.